My former employer, AT&T, and I have a love/hate relationship. I hate the way they continue to manipulate my life, but I love their little Grinchy hearts for paying a part of my health insurance. The trick is to play by their rules and keep them happy, otherwise it’s nice knowing ‘ya.
Every year, AT&T has a new signup period where you make various decisions on your health care. Do you want an HMO, a PPO, or a voodoo priestess living in a smoky room in New Orleans? They are quick to inform you there will be no co-pay from them if you choose the voodoo babe. Seems unfair, but it’s their rules.
Friday, I get a new flyer in the mail from the former Ma Bell informing me that I now have two options instead of one on something called SelectMed. I have no idea what they’re talking about. I’ve never heard of SelectMed Option One much less Option Two. I went to the web site. No sign of anything called SelectMed,
If you remember, my hearing ability is only one notch above that of a tree stump which is why I chose to click on the CHAT button.
Shayan types: Hello Warren, how can I help you today?
Warren: Yes, thank you, I received some literature on something called SelectMed. Can you explain how this fits into my healthcare plan?
Shayan: One moment please:
Several moments (five minutes) later: Have you received any information on this?
Warren. Uh, yes, in the mail, like I stated the last time I pushed SEND.
Shayan: One moment please.
I check my email, Facebook, the latest headline news, and take a short nap.
Shayan: SelectMed is part of your Medicare, Warren.
I’ll admit it, there are times when I’m ate up with the dumb-ass, that’s a given. But somehow, Shayan’s answer left me hanging. Before I could think of a semi-intelligent reply….
Shayan: If you need dental or vision coverage, you can go to www.XXXXXXX.
I was reminded of the words from the dearly departed Yogi Berra, “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” Shayan was going down the wrong fork. I needed a new fork, one that led away from Shayan.
Warren: Can you send me a link explaining how SelectMed works?
Shayan: One moment please.
I pour a spooker, a double.
Shayan: You will need to contact ARH for that.
ARH? What the hell is that? Then it hits me, Aon Resources Hewitt. ARH is a kind of intermediary between us common folks and AT&T. ARH is the outfit who set this mess up in the first place when AT&T bailed out of their original health care agreement with retirees and dumped it in the lap of Aon. “Here you run this, we’re out.”
Warren: So let me get this straight. You, Shayna, an employee of AT&T and working in the healthcare information depart of same, are telling me you don’t know what SelectMed is or how it applies to me and I should go to an entirely different company for an answer to my question? Is that what you’re telling me Shayna?
Shayna: Is there anything else I can help you with today?
I thought of a lot of replies to Wrong Fork Shayna, but I let it pass and clicked the END CHAT button.
Keep in mind that AT&T does not take insubordination lightly. There will be consequences–– a pension cut, suspension of phone service, a deadly assassin wearing the uniform of a telephone repairman? All possible.
My door is locked, my phone off the hook. I tremble… and wait.